Understanding Interpersonal Conflict and Strategies for Effective Management

Introduction

• Conflict is unavoidable, no matter what you do; unless you stop talking to people in general and go live in the woods and seclusion, at some point in your life, you will come into an interpersonal conflict.  conflict and negotiating desirable outcomes can yield positive effects in the real world, by improving your competence. This is called, at times, conflict resolution, and it is a necessary and valuable skill.

• "A lack of training and a lack of competence could be a recipe for disaster"(7.3 Approaching Interpersonal Conflict), and in 2011, being a mediator was named one of the best careers by US News and World Report. Our goal with this guide is to not only understand interpersonal conflict, but to make you better at recognizing conflict, managing conflict, and resolving conflict.

  
  

What Is Interpersonal Conflict?

• “Interpersonal conflict occurs in interactions where there are real or perceived incompatible goals, scarce resources, or opposing viewpoints.” (7.3 Approaching Interpersonal Conflict).

• “In an episode of The Office titled 'Conflict Resolution', Toby, the human resource officer, encourages office employees to submit Anonymous complaints about their co-workers. Although Toby doesn't attempt to resolve the conflicts, the employees feel like they are being heard. When Michael, the manager, finds out there is unresolved conflict, he makes the anonymous complaints public in an attempt to encourage resolution, which backfires, creating more conflict within the office.”(7.3 Approaching Interpersonal Conflict) In the example shown from the book, Michael doesn't demonstrate communication competence, and his lack thereof creates a disaster scenario. While Michael was able to recognize conflict, he was not able to manage or resolve it, causing the conflicts to escalate. This example shows the importance of not only recognizing conflict but also managing the conflict as well.

• How can interpersonal conflict be both destructive and constructive? Well, let's look at the example again. In Michael's case, the conflict was destructive after the anonymous postings became public with no resolution. The conflict was constructive when people were able to anonymously post how they felt about different problems in the workplace, as it allowed them to feel like they were being heard. To build on the constructiveness, over time, the company could begin putting policies into effect to help break down the conflicts that were arising from the anonymous postings, especially if they were seeing it consistent problem mentioned. There are five management styles that Michael could have used to help manage and resolve the interpersonal conflict.

  
  

Exploring the Five Styles of Interpersonal Conflict Management

• There are five management styles that Michael could have used to help manage and resolve the interpersonal conflict: Competing, Collaborating, Compromising, Avoiding, and Accommodating. We'll begin to break down each style to better understand them.

  
  

1. Competing

• “The competing style indicates a high concern for self and a low concern for other.” (7.3 Approaching Interpersonal Conflict). With the competing Style, there is a focus on winning the conflict, often at the expense of others. This style is useful when quick, decisive action is needed but risks damaging relationships.

• It is also the use of power in the competing style, which can be non-coercive or coercive. Non-coercive strategies include requesting and persuading. These two terms are defined as “When requesting, we suggest the conflict partner change a behavior. Requesting doesn’t require a high level of information exchange. When we persuade, however, we give our conflict partner reasons to support our request or suggestion, meaning there is more information exchange, which may make persuading more effective than requesting.” (7.3 Approaching Interpersonal Relationships). Coercive strategies is aggressive communication directed at rousing the other party's emotions through insults, profanity, and yelling, or through threats of punishment if you do not get your way. Coercive strategies also violate standard guidelines for ethical communication.

• It's important to note that the competing style of conflict management is not the same thing as having a competitive personality. Competition and relationships aren't always negative, and those who enjoy engaging in competition don't always do so at the expense of another person's goals. In many instances, competition has been shown to enrich relationships through competitive shared activities like sports or games. And sibling relationships are no different. You may find yourself competing with your sibling a lot due to the shared history and experiences the two of you have. 

  
  

2. Collaborating

• In the collaborating style, there is a high degree of concern for both self and other. the collaborating style also indicates investment in the conflict situation as well as the relationship. the collaborating style also takes the most work in terms of communication competence, however, It ultimately leads to a win-win situation and which neither party has to make concessions because he mutually beneficial solution is discovered or created.

• The text also provides an example: “Rosa and D’Shaun may agree that Casey’s allowance needs to be increased and may decide to give her twenty more dollars a week in exchange for her babysitting her little brother one night a week.”(7.3 Approaching Interpersonal Conflict). In any example, the conflict does not become personal; it focuses on the situation, and both parties come together to create a solution that may end up saving money. the disadvantage is that the collaborating style is often time-consuming, and only one person may be willing to use this approach while the other person is eager to compete to meet their goals or is unwilling to accommodate.

• Here are some tips for collaborating and achieving a win-win outcome: do not view the conflict as a contest you were trying to win, remain flexible and realize there are solutions yet to be discovered,  don't make it personal, needs can still be met through different demands, listen carefully and provide verbal and nonverbal feedback.

  
  

3. Compromising

• The compromising Style has a moderate concern for self and other. It may indicate that there is a low investment in the conflict and/or the relationship. We are often told that the best way to handle a conflict is a compromise; however, the compromising style isn't a win-win solution; it is a partial win-lose. “In essence, when we compromise, we give up some or most of what we want.” (7.3 Approaching Interpersonal Communication). The compromising style balances assertiveness and cooperativeness moderately. It seeks a middle ground where both parties give up something, and is effective for quick, mutually acceptable solutions.

• Sometimes, compromising may be used as an easy way out of a conflict. When both parties find the solution agreeable, the compromising style is most effective. Let's use another example from the text: “Rosa and D’Shaun could decide that Casey’s allowance does need to be increased and could each give ten more dollars a week by committing to taking their lunch to work twice a week instead of eating out.”(7.3 Approaching Intepersonal Conflict).In the example, Rosa and DeShawn both give up something, and as long as neither of them has a problem taking a lunch to work two times out of the week, the compromise was equitable. The compromise stops being equitable if the couple agrees that twenty extra dollars should come out of Rosa's nail appointment budget. And Rosa may end up with feelings of resentment, even though she agreed to the compromise.

  
  

4. Avoiding

• Indicated by a low concern for self and a low concern for others, and no direct communication about conflict takes place, we have the avoiding Style. The avoiding Style is characterized by low assertiveness and low cooperativeness; it involves withdrawing or ignoring the conflict. It's useful for trivial issues or when emotions are high, but risks unresolved issues. The avoiding Style is either passive or indirect, so there is little information Exchange. This may make the strategy less effective than others. Remember, you cannot not communicate. “Even when we try to avoid conflict, we may intentionally or unintentionally give our feelings away through our verbal and nonverbal communication.”(7.3 Approaching Interpersonal). There are many different reasons why we would decide to avoid conflict. Sometimes, if we see the conflict has little importance, it might be best to ignore it. Or in situations where a person you have a conflict with will only be around you for a limited period of time, you may choose to avoid them and either hope that the conflict will resolve itself or that you can dodge it for as long as the person you have the conflict with is around. This conflict management style is not the best for sibling relationships. While it may be beneficial for conflicts that are minute in importance, in most cases, it's best to use other conflict management styles.

  
  

5. Accommodating

• If you have a low concern for self and a great concern for others, and have a more passive or submissive personality, the accommodating conflict management style may be for you. The accommodating Style is that someone complies with or obliges another without providing personal input. There are many reasons why one may be accommodating. “Generally, we accommodate because we are being generous, we are obeying, or we are yielding (Bobot, 2010).” (7.3 Approaching Interpersonal Conflict). When accommodating out of generosity, you're doing so because you want to. When you accommodate to obey, it is because you have no other choice.

• When you accommodate because you are yielding, that means that you have either given up on your morals or beliefs, fatigue, time constraints such as you're at the movies and two movies are about to start and you each want to watch a different movie, you may accommodate and give up what you want just so you don't miss the beginning of the movie. There's research that shows that accommodating is less likely to occur when someone does not want to appear a week, but more likely to occur when their time restraints. If you are the older sibling, you may accommodate for both reasons. An older sibling may not accommodate a conflict or demand placed by a younger sibling so as not to become or be seen as a pushover. A younger sibling may find themselves accommodating more out of obeying or yielding than out of generosity. This may be due to a power hierarchy that you and your sibling have.